Posted in Life

Why I don’t believe in Soulmates

For many years, I questioned, justified and alternated between the theories (or should I say hypothesis) on the existence of soul, past life and soulmates. After discussions and few monologues from wise men and women I met in my life, I have come to understand the core of this theory better than what popular culture taught me.

They say souls are connected across time and space. They say souls have connection that goes beyond the relationships defined in the realm of human society. They say soulmates have infinite love or strong energy bonds that ensure they meet in their human life to help or guide each other. The relationship in context of human society can take any form depending on the lesson a soul needs to learn. Soulmates can come in the form of a parent, child, sibling, friend, teacher, neighbor or even that stranger you met on the last trip.

And there is this popular concept of soulmate referring to ‘the one’… that one human being who is here to take the shape of that one super-important relationship that takes dominance over everything else in a human life in human society. I find it difficult to believe in this soulmate.

Popular media has romanticized the concept of love over the years. The term ‘soulmate’ has entered mainstream conversations and philosophy but with a very different meaning. The seeds of this new concept have been sown deep down the psyche of humanity over many generations by regular bombardment of messages like ‘match made in heaven’, or ‘made for each other’ or ‘only for you’ or ‘only for me’. The result is an ever-growing gigantic tree with deep large network of roots and branches over-shadowing every other true emotion of love and sucking away the energy from everything else trying to find a drop of sunlight or a tiny space in the soil.

I wonder where it started. This concept doesn’t exist in our ancient books, religious, spiritual or mythological. There are stories of love and all other emotions associated with it like sacrifice or envy or rage. But I don’t recall the concept of this one-to-one mapping marginalizing love in every other relationship. Of course, I haven’t read everything. I have read very tiny portion of the vast knowledge available from our ancient world. And most of them are interpretations and not the original text. But the concept of love I understood from whatever I have read so far is very different from the concept of love media has tried to popularize in the modern world.

In the context of popular culture, soulmate is a very generic term used for that one ‘perfect’ person for a potential happy relationship. The obvious inference is that there is ‘only one’ person for every person. Now theoretically, this is quite difficult to achieve, primarily because the population is not divided in a one-to-one man-woman ratio. If you take into account age groups, ethnicity and geography, the chances of those one-to-one mapped individuals meeting each other is quite bleak. This, I think, is the biggest factor for misery of lovers longing for that one person. They believe there is a ‘soulmate’ who is ‘perfect’ as per the ‘checklist’ they have created intellectually. And then every new potential mate has to pass the ‘soulmate’ test.

It’s easy to believe that the ones who ‘found’ love and are in a happy marriage are ‘lucky’ to have ‘found’ their soulmates. They didn’t ‘find’ love. They simply allowed themselves to love and be loved. They worked hard on their relationships. They didn’t judge their partners. Their open hearts are the reason for a beautiful relationship.

When one desires a relationship with a so-called ‘soulmate’, often enough one unknowingly harbors feelings of false ego, pride, misunderstood desires, misdirected passions, envy and rage. When one wants a particular relationship, one doesn’t necessarily love that person. Love between spiritual soulmates is beyond the need to be given a name in human society and free from other negative emotions.

The concept of soulmate is restrictive.

I am willing to believe that people (or souls) are connected to each other through strong bonds of love and call out to each other across time and space. I am willing to believe anyone who talks passionately about the weird sensation of deep affection for a person one has just met as if they had known each other for eons.

But I don’t believe there is only one person for you to love and marry. You can choose to love anyone. You can choose to accept love from anyone. I don’t believe that one love is bigger and better than the love you have for your parents, siblings, friends or your pets. You can choose to deepen that relationship to build a companionship more special than any other. You can choose to share the deep secrets of your heart with that one person. But love cannot be ranked or categorized.

Love is a much larger bigger concept than that. Love is infinite. Love is universal. Love is the single most abundant resource or thing (or whatever you want to call it) that exists in this universe. How is it then possible that there is only one human being with the capability to share love with you and more love than any one other person? The almost blind single-focused belief in soulmate can only result in the denial of all other possibilities life is willing to offer. The belief in this romantic soulmate imprisons the mind in its own imagined single dimension world tuning out all other alternate realities.

Yes, people are connected. Yes, love is true. But soulmate version of love is judgmental and restrictive. Let the heart be open and one can find deep love and a fulfilling relationship anywhere.

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